Sieze The Day

Seize The Day from Avenged Sevenfold is rounding on my earphone to companying me at the roof top at my house that night, I’m lying and look up at the sky that night, muse, try to catch my lost soul, try to raise it up again, pushing to the limit of myself, try to figure out what is wrong with me, musing what I’ve done before, the way I’ve been through, for a moment I look at the sky that full of stars that night, I realize the stars seem to much than I’ve been seen days ago, that true or I just too long not seeing them anymore, seems that I don’t have time to see them lately, their beauty, the fact is that they are always shining even when I not seeing them, they always there every night, the night that I’ve lose, I’ve forgot how beauty they are, maybe I’ve too many busy with my activity, then I’ve forgot a beautiful gift from the God, seeing them again tonight make me musing about how I’ve forgot how precious is my day, the day I’ve been through is the day where everything seems normal to me there’s nothing special, nothing is change, always same again in the next days, it coming all over and over again, seems that my life is monotone and going stagnancy, it seems my life just a record that always same, once again nothing special, I’ve take my life into circle that always rounding and repeat all over, always same, continuous to be a same project this day and the day after it, keep a same pattern, until I feels that is something is missing…, but I can’t tell you what is missing piece, something that can make me happy, give a joy, sadness, laugh, something that important…

What is the missing piece?, I look up the sky once more and the sky that night seems really shining for me, sky full of stars, there’s no cloud blocking their shines to me, I still try to figure out and remembering what is something that I’ve forgot in my life, something special I think, my minds working hard to play back the memory of my past, the time I’ve spent and never come again, try to figure out a glorious period of my life, a period of happiness, because I think this time where’s I’m facing a really stagnancy of my period, I’ve bored, too much stagnancy, I need to change from this condition…

My minds still try to figure out again the moments that have a something that beautiful, suddenly my minds take my into my high school memory, for a moments there’s comeback again all the memories in that period, the period when my life is full charge of energy, the period that I feel comfortable in it, a transition period, a time when bad things happen to me isn’t became a big deal to me, the time when I fall I can get up as soon as possible I can, a period that I don’t afraid to fall, don’t care how often that I’ve fall, I still can try it again, don’t care about the people that think I can’t do it, an extraordinary period…

How much the energy inside my self that I have in that time, but now that explosive of energy has been become less and less more and have becoming dying…

How much my strong wills that I have that time, but now is becoming slowly change into a wobbly steps even it become crawl to reach my purpose…

How much my optimism during that time, but now it has venomous by my negative sentiment of my thinking and slowly dying, it seems I’ve loss my believing that I is a strong man…

In that period I think I can do everything, but now it has force down to be closed because my weak and suffering ego, no more big dreams in my life because of it…

There’s more idea in my head about my self in my past, telling me about how different myself at the past that live in my high school memory, how different my self, I’ve change in really just a short time, what force that has change me??? That is my question that night…

I feel I’m different person…

Is true that period has force me to become what I’m now, I think isn’t, period is always change and our job is to control it, not for surrender for it…

Is right that my neighborhood has change me, I think isn’t too, because neighborhood also changing too, it’ll never be same with the old days…

Is that right that my mind is dying…?

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This question is shocking me…

I think I’m now facing a condition that my self actually don’t want it to happen, but why is still happen to me…

What is wrong???

For a moment I take a break and listen deeply into the song that came out from my earphone…

*I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time*

*But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, just one picture)*

*Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost*

*It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over*

*Trails in life, questions of us existing here, don't wanna die alone without you there*

*Please tell me what we have is real*

Yes, seems that what I’m now is have losing my vision and slowly disappear, my beautiful memory forced to be erased, more regret than proud inside who I’m now…

*It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over*

A phrase for that song has dash against my mind again, seems it the song trying to tell me something, it feels right that I was created too many minds that made to block myself and in fact it more make me fall into a valley that I’ve made it myself…

*I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time*

*But I'm too young to worry (a melody, a memory, just one picture)*

…

*Please tell me what we have is real*

Please tell me what is wrong with and what is real for me…

I’m too young to worry…

Please tell me, what is wrong with me, so I can fix it…

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After long searching deep in myself, I realize that I must change from this condition, the condition that I’ve fail in it, I try to recover my spirits and my energy again that I've keep it for a long time inside me and had covered by my negative sentiment, I must change my point of view to becoming into a positive ones, I know what I’ve to do right now, my visions becoming clear and bright again and no more buried in my dark side of me, I must optimism…

I know what I’ve to do right now…

I must step forward right now, it begins right now, I know maybe I’ve left behind for a couples step for the others, but I sure I can keep up with them…

Seems like this night I’ve destined to seen once more my past and see again my fight that I didn’t do now, I must get up to a better life…

Seize The Day…

A song that companying me and a little bit helping to lay back my memory that is dying and giving me a hope, to get up and seize the day…

At the end of my muse, my earphone is playing a song from Moby “Extreme Ways” that fire me on and burn again spirits to step a better than before…